After Number 11

This treatment (Wed)  was my 11^th and after the next one I will again get scans and blood work.  After this an assessment will be made to determine the next round.  This will include continued chemo, length, etc are yet to be determined.

My blood counts continue to be good enough for only an occasional booster shot.  All in all, I continue to be very blessed, very, very blessed.

The big news is that on my 10^th treatment it was decided to stop the most toxic chemo drug because of the neuropathy and concern it might be causing permanent damage.  This has meant that I have a bit more energy  and generally feel more normal.  It is hard to describe “chemo” brain for all you poor saps that have never gotten to experience it.  It kind of dumbs down thinking, motivation, increase depression, etc.  It seems these things are  improving with this change.

So these things are always a risk/reward thing.  More to follow.

Thanks for your prayers and thoughts,  Lonni and I are upbeat but as scans draw near anxiety grows until results are in.

Love to all, from the incredible shrinking man (65 lbs down!!  -- folks keep telling me how great I look!  -- they are nice to not add, you were a fat pig before J).  I haven't bought medium sized shirts in 35 years!!!  

A Freak of Nature

That is what my chemo nurse called me.  She is a lot of fun and we joke around a lot but she was referring to how well I am doing – outside the normal expectations.

This last treatment, my ninth, I had a consult with two docs – the oncologist (Dr. Thomas) and the integrative care doc (Dr. Mike, protégé of Dr. Block.)  Several days earlier I had CT scans done.  Once again the news was good.  The scans do not reveal any tumor regrowth, one lymph node is reduced in size to normal and the other two are unchanged (slightly enlarged).  There are a few other things like my tumor marker number is slightly up (from the precipitous fall of the previous reading -- that does not alarm the doc, scans are much more important) and this round I'm getting the booster shot for white blood cell count, which I have not needed for the last four times.  These things just let you know I'm not a total freak.

I asked each doc to rate me on 1 to 10 scale.  Thomas gave me an 8 and the Mike a 9.  Dr. Mike remarked on how good I looked, “I see cancer patients all day, every day, but if I didn’t know you had cancer I would not see it.  You look the best of any patient here.”

It was a good day.  Can you believe how very blessed I am?  My support team, led by the best wife a man could ever hope for, deserves so much credit.

Number 9 means I am 3/4s of the way through the first round.  After that I go into a maintenance cycle.  I had naively hoped that meant chemo was over.  No such luck.  I will actually continue chemo for another year.  That is the bad news.  However, there is good news.  I will be dropping the drug that is the most toxic.  This will dramatically reduce the side effects that are the most bothersome.  In fact, Dr. Mike said that patients report to him that they feel nearly normal.  Given how well I’ve done thus far I’m hopeful for that close to normal state.  I look forward to an energy return, which will be nice.

So much to be grateful for!!

Tomorrow marks one year from the day we received the fateful call that Nathan had taken his life.  It hardly seems possible that he has been gone a year already.  How are we doing?  Sad, yet peaceful.  Memories of Nate as a boy bring us joy as we think of his zest for life and variety of life experiences that he enjoyed so much – from playing basketball in the inner city to enjoying small town adventures (and misadventures) with his cousins in Wisconsin.  But adulthood mental illness made life so very, very difficult.  There is a peace in knowing he no longer suffers.

We are so blessed with family and friends who have stood with us, prayed, encouraged and helped over these years of challenge from one thing to another.  Your gift to us is beyond words of appreciation.


Thanks to Eric Metcalf for passing on this quote: 

“If anything matters then everything matters.  Because you are important, everything you do is important.  Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen... nothing will ever be the same again.”  William P. Young in The Shack

I'm Back!!

Very sorry for going dark.  I acquired a bad virus that had me down for a number of days and I’m still not really over it.  Oh, forgot to mention – it is a computer virus!!  I’ve always liked the bad-news, good-news approach!  Lonni said I was mean to lead with this but… well I’m writing it and I could never be as consistently sweet as her, right?  Plus I’m doing too well – need a little drama to keep my readers.

As I mentioned before, no news is good news.  I write this with my chemo pump on my hip.  As with all rounds this 7^th time my pump friend will be with me until around 10am Friday when Lonni removes the tether.   It really is not hard to manage,  amazing what the body and mind can adjust to!  So things continue to proceed well.  I have not had the white blood cell booster shot for this last three treatments;  this one makes the 4^th in a row.  This means my body seems to be able to recover from the chemo assault pretty well.  My blood counts are all in the lower range of normal.

I take this as another sign of a successful treatment path, complete with much support and prayers.   This time around, because things are so stable the Physician Assistant and I had little to talk about – the no news good news thing.  But next time will be different because I had thirteen tubes of blood drawn to do my follow up “comprehensive terrain”.  This deal is looking at and comparing to the baseline terrain first done when I started.  Results will tell us how the supplements and diet have worked to address my areas of deficiency (besides all those that you all know about.)  I’m looking forward to getting that objective feedback and will report out here. 

I continue to enjoy meeting other patients and hearing their stories.  It is amazing how consistent each has been.  In Penny Block’s noontime group we get to interact a bit and then more later between treatments, massages et al.  I have yet to meet a fellow patient who came to the BC in their first round so I consistently ask them to compare and contrast their experiences.  Everyone is so much more pleased with the BC.  This week I spoke to a lady from out east.  She has pancreatic cancer and went to a number of places including Johns Hopkins.  She, like others, spoke of the mass treatment approach of – get in, get hooked up, get out.  Just soooooooooooo different from the Block Center of family feel, relaxed and even fun place.  Lots of joking and laughing – not the norm, in other places.

NOTE HERE:  I hope I am not coming across judgmental or critical of traditional places.  I think people who chose to work in oncology are special folks choosing to take on the weight of so much sadness and suffering and help many people to be sure.  It is just that this “integrative” approach seems to hold such promise and dispenses hope so well.

Obviously I am a true believer and a Block evangelist!

Thanks for the prayers and interest.  God has been so good to me… so have you!

The No-News Post

You know the old “no news is good news” line.  That has been this week for me.  I had a very good recovery this time.  Best yet.  Glad to have my cold behind me.  BTW the last two rounds I did not receive the white cell booster shot cuz my blood counts have been good.  All signs are as good as we could ask for!

I even had some friends ask me if I had gained weight!!  (no)  That question puzzled me until I realized I was wearing clothes that fit, not having the old xlarge hanging off me.  J

The most common comment I get from folks who haven’t seen me for a while is, “You look good!”  Hey, at 62, it might be worth it all just to get those compliments!!

I’m preaching twice tomorrow at a missions conference and so appreciative that I can continue my work through this period – a blessed man indeed!

Thanks for your continued interest, thoughts and prayers.

Report Card Time

Round five will finish in about 18 hours as of this writing and the next treatment with mark the half-way point in this initial phase.

A good point for a score card.  I owe it to all of you great friends, readers and prayers to share results of my scans and blood work completed last week and shared to Lonni and I yesterday.

CT scans: clear of any evidence of a tumor regrowth (the surgeon did get the entire mass).  No evidence of spread to the liver of lungs – the normal path.  Good news.

Lymph  nodes: there are about five that are enlarged.  Each has shrunken slightly.  More good news!!

Tumor marker count: (this number measures a secretion the body emits to fight cancer cells, a normal count is 5, cancer patients counts can be into the multiply thousands.  The importance here is the direction this is moving, up is bad.  My baseline count was 538 (3 months ago) my current count is 75.  538 to 75!!!  

I heard WOW a lot. Very good news!!!

I was told that at this stage of treatment they are hoping to see things leveling out, not rising or growing.  These kinds of positive signs are very remarkable.

I don’t want to prematurely declare victory – it certainly is far from that.  But this is very hopeful news, essentially telling us that my body is responding very positive to this method of treatment.  This is a long road to travel and I am bolstered by encouraging signs like this.

Thanks to each of you for your support and prayers.  Bless you each, one. 

Through it all...

It’s the Monday following the fourth treatment.  Lonni and I had a long conversation with the oncologist.  She is new to the BC and this was our first medical consult with her.  We talked over the course of treatment some, however, so much is yet to be determined, of course, depending upon developments.  This week I’m going for scans and blood work to determine the current situation.  It’s funny how little words make a big difference.  For instance, a CT scan order reads “with contrast” meaning I drink about 40 ounces of a hideous drink before the CT scans.  Minor detail, major yuk.

We are also trying something different.  My blood counts have been strong so the doc decided not to give me the $5k white cell booster shot.  On Wednesday I’ll go for blood work to see how my count has regenerated without the shot.  The doc thought that for the long haul it is better that the body not become dependent upon the shot if it does not really need it.  We will see, but it seems that is good news.

I’ve developed a cold so I’ve laid low the entire weekend and am working from home this morning.  Don’t want it to develop into anything serious. I'm now completing this on Tuesday afternoon and after an active morning I'm resting once again.

So, the Block Center has moved into its new home.  It is quite a contrast from the previous space.  It is occupying a two story atrium with lots and lots of windows and sunlight.  It must be two to three times more space but things were in such chaos it was hard to tell and construction is not yet finished.  The location is easier for us to get to, so that is nice.

This morning we kissed Cy goodbye for five days!  His school goes to a marvelous camp called “Nature’s Classroom” in Southern Wi.  We are going to miss him but it is a terrific place.  Circle’s school used to go there and I once accompanied our group for a week.  Terrific fun and interesting ways of making science come alive.  Cy went last year and was anxious to go again, counting down the days.  On the way to school Lonni asked him what he was looking forward to – “Just everything!!”.  Next, “Is there anything that you are considered about or afraid of?”  “Yes, that Daddy will die when I am there,” he replied immediately.  It is sobering to think that my condition so weighs upon his heart.  I think of the thousands and thousands of children who live with ill parents.  Their feelings and fears can be so easily overlooked as the stuff of trying to heal is so overwhelming to the adults.  But Cy has a great mommy who is very attentive.  Cy enjoys going to talk to his counselor.

Lonni!  What can I say about her?  We met at 14 & 15 years of age and never really had eyes for anyone else.  I realize how unique and special our bond is.  Married as virgins, all we’ve know is each other and the deep intimacy that comes from the journey of many years together(41 on March 21 – it was the first day of spring that year and the first day of the spring of our lives.)  She is my anchor, my rock, my intimate soul mate.  These last years have been our most difficult in regard to grandchildren, loss of sibling (Lonni’s sister) and parents and our dear son, Nathan, and now my health challenges.  Through it all we have leaned on each other.  As God would have it when one is down, usually the other is up.  But of late the weaker one is certainly me.  My emotions seem always right on the edge.  I lose the will to eat and to take all the damnable pills every day.  But there is Lonni, beautiful, sweet, loving, understanding – and persistent , “Eat this honey, it has a lot of protein.”

This is who she is – a loving saint of a woman who is literally a life saver to me.  I didn’t think I could love her more than I did before this all came about.  But the capacity to love and be loved is ever expanding.  Several months before Nathan took his life he tattooed across the entire face of his hand:  “God’s Gift: Lonni”  Son I could not say it better.

Another Adventure

In a few hours Lonni and I will drop Cy off at school and we will head off to treatment #4 (that is 1/3 of the way for the first stage!!)  Cy will be picked up from school by Nita, his "grandma."  How can you even genuinely thank friends who stand by you and help with the stuff of life?  We are so blessed.

After the goodbye kisses, it is up to the Block Center -- but now relocated to a new site in Skokie Ill.  The new location is more convenient for us (cuts off about 25 minutes of travel each way) and will be larger space.  We are looking forward to seeing what the new center is like.  There has not been a lot of information given out so we are in for an adventure to see what they have done.

More later...