Through it all...

It’s the Monday following the fourth treatment.  Lonni and I had a long conversation with the oncologist.  She is new to the BC and this was our first medical consult with her.  We talked over the course of treatment some, however, so much is yet to be determined, of course, depending upon developments.  This week I’m going for scans and blood work to determine the current situation.  It’s funny how little words make a big difference.  For instance, a CT scan order reads “with contrast” meaning I drink about 40 ounces of a hideous drink before the CT scans.  Minor detail, major yuk.

We are also trying something different.  My blood counts have been strong so the doc decided not to give me the $5k white cell booster shot.  On Wednesday I’ll go for blood work to see how my count has regenerated without the shot.  The doc thought that for the long haul it is better that the body not become dependent upon the shot if it does not really need it.  We will see, but it seems that is good news.

I’ve developed a cold so I’ve laid low the entire weekend and am working from home this morning.  Don’t want it to develop into anything serious. I'm now completing this on Tuesday afternoon and after an active morning I'm resting once again.

So, the Block Center has moved into its new home.  It is quite a contrast from the previous space.  It is occupying a two story atrium with lots and lots of windows and sunlight.  It must be two to three times more space but things were in such chaos it was hard to tell and construction is not yet finished.  The location is easier for us to get to, so that is nice.

This morning we kissed Cy goodbye for five days!  His school goes to a marvelous camp called “Nature’s Classroom” in Southern Wi.  We are going to miss him but it is a terrific place.  Circle’s school used to go there and I once accompanied our group for a week.  Terrific fun and interesting ways of making science come alive.  Cy went last year and was anxious to go again, counting down the days.  On the way to school Lonni asked him what he was looking forward to – “Just everything!!”.  Next, “Is there anything that you are considered about or afraid of?”  “Yes, that Daddy will die when I am there,” he replied immediately.  It is sobering to think that my condition so weighs upon his heart.  I think of the thousands and thousands of children who live with ill parents.  Their feelings and fears can be so easily overlooked as the stuff of trying to heal is so overwhelming to the adults.  But Cy has a great mommy who is very attentive.  Cy enjoys going to talk to his counselor.

Lonni!  What can I say about her?  We met at 14 & 15 years of age and never really had eyes for anyone else.  I realize how unique and special our bond is.  Married as virgins, all we’ve know is each other and the deep intimacy that comes from the journey of many years together(41 on March 21 – it was the first day of spring that year and the first day of the spring of our lives.)  She is my anchor, my rock, my intimate soul mate.  These last years have been our most difficult in regard to grandchildren, loss of sibling (Lonni’s sister) and parents and our dear son, Nathan, and now my health challenges.  Through it all we have leaned on each other.  As God would have it when one is down, usually the other is up.  But of late the weaker one is certainly me.  My emotions seem always right on the edge.  I lose the will to eat and to take all the damnable pills every day.  But there is Lonni, beautiful, sweet, loving, understanding – and persistent , “Eat this honey, it has a lot of protein.”

This is who she is – a loving saint of a woman who is literally a life saver to me.  I didn’t think I could love her more than I did before this all came about.  But the capacity to love and be loved is ever expanding.  Several months before Nathan took his life he tattooed across the entire face of his hand:  “God’s Gift: Lonni”  Son I could not say it better.