This PET is not warm and cute.

Doctors have some great lines, like, “Let’s do this test and rule out any problem here.”  The problem with that is, that the results can also “Rule in” a problem.   Ignorance, however, might feel like bliss – its only trouble.

A PET scan works by “lighting up” fast multiplying cells (radioactive particles suspended in glucose are drawn to the tumors.)  The test revealed that the cancer has spread to bones in my spine, ribs and pelvis.  I have also deteriorated physically with pain in those areas, especially my hip.  I’m walking with a cane at times to garner sympathy.  I’m thinking about a tin cup and a cardboard sign – but I’m not pitiful enough yet.

As I’m sure you feel, this was a blow.  Cancer in the bones sounds fatal.  So we’ve (esp me) been very emotional as I look at Cy and my dear, dear wife with the thought of leaving them alone.  It seemed our course of recovery was remarkable and that the trajectory would continue.  This is yet another form of denial – battling cancer is peaks and valleys.  That is just the way it is.

Now you are thinking – where from here?  While we got this news over a week ago I wanted to wait to post until we had a consult with our doc – that happened today.   The week in between  I shared with a number of close friends, family and colleagues only because I wanted to have this confab first and share the course of treatment more broadly.

Actually, the news starts to get better from here forward.  The doc, then the Phys Asst and the RN wanted to assure us that is not fatal news.  This is not an uncommon direction this disease takes and the doc said it does not change his diagnosis that we can get on top and manage this disease for years to come.  As our Jewish friends say, “From your mouth to God’s ears!”

I know it is counter intuitive but the doc would rather see this metastasis (to the bone) than in the soft tissue (that compromises organ function.)

These things were encouraging and helped calm the fears.  It is another battle to be fought in this war, but it is not, apparently, Waterloo.

Beginning next treatment I will be getting a bone strengthening injection to prevent breaking and associated complications.  They also add another colon chemo drug.  I’ve being referred to an orthopedic oncologist at Rush University – one of the top guys in the field – who will help us decide on radiation treatment.  They actually call the tumor zapping  “spot welding”  cuz it not only shrinks the tumor but strengthens the bone.  This is a likely course with my hip.  But I will keep you posted.   Looking forward to increased mobility.

Also counter-intuitive is that it has also been a powerful time of feeling drawn to the comfort and peace of God’s arms in the middle of a lot of tears and fears.  He wants us, not for what we can accomplish, but because his love is so total.  In case you might not have noticed, I am a doer and not much of a mystic.  End of life issues sensitize and heighten our senses.  I am feeling God’s love in new, powerful and peace-creating ways.  Words don’t suffice, but you get the drift.

Thanks for your thoughts, prayers and expressions of love.  I am a blessed man.

Glen

PS: a dear, dear friend gave us four seats behind the visitor’s dugout (5^th row).  It was a beautiful day, perfect setting for Cy’s first Cubs game.  In every way the day was perfect and created precious memories.  Can you believe Cty walked out the park with two balls!!

Like I said, I am a blessed man.  Thank you my brother Jim.